A dry argument to boost the
nation’s morals
Reports
that Indonesia will
consider banning booze and jailing drinkers is excellent news.
The US tried
prohibition for 13 years last century but like the First Gulf War didn’t go far
enough. You couldn’t transport or sell
liquor but you could consume.
There are no
such wimpy provisions in the draft Indonesian law now fermenting. One sniff and Hi Kerobokan! This is all the
way with SBY.
The war on drugs
has been won and corruption conquered. Poverty
has been defeated. Big tobacco is in retreat. Time to let the Booze Battle
commence and clean the archipelago of the demon drink.
The economy
is already on a high – now it will get really woozy. Apart from health workers, job seekers should
also rejoice.
Pinched
minds have cruelly condemned the proposal from the Government’s coalition
member Islamic Partai Persatuan Pembangunan (PPP - United Development Party), claiming it might put
the hospitality industry out of business.
Moonshine! Thousands of teetotallers will now flock to
Bali attracted by the lack of hotel mini-bars and the devilish temptation to
try a nightcap. The Gideon Bibles should
also be thrown out at the same time – those old testaments can be intoxicating.
Our tourist
intake should soon rival neighbor Brunei, Southeast Asia’s Mecca for fun and
where hooch is haram.
Anthropologists
and doctoral candidates will rejoice as Bali returns to its pristine past
before the invasion of the awful Okkers. Kecak
will be danced for delight, not dollars.
The locals
will place morning offerings on vomit-free sidewalks. There’ll be no more arak so no danger of getting revved up
on battery acid.
The tourism
industry can change its slogan to Visit
Dry Indonesia 2013 and stand by for a doubling of desirable visitors, not
the cashed-up slobs from the Pilbara mining camps gasping ‘I’ll die without a
Bintang’. Now they can.
But where
will the jobs come from, I hear you cry above the cheering?
Stand
ashamed, ye cynics; in the law enforcement industry, of course. Manufacturers of scanners detecting airline criminals
carrying 101 millilitres of make-up outside a clear plastic bag will now make
more machines, employ more pseudo cops.
These police
college rejects owe their income and careers to Osama bin Laden and the 9/11
terrorists. Now security services can
expand using their sniff-o-bomb probes on firewater. A tweak or two should make the body scanners
detect any rotgut in visitors’ tummies. Then you can exchange bar life for a life
behind bars.
The politician
who brewed up this bill, Ahmad Kurdi Moekri, 71, has been reported in the
Australian media as saying it’s all about character building and “to safeguard
the nation’s morals.” Nothing to do with
religion.
This I accept
in the same spirit that the former religious court judge and sharia expert
understands that this column is free of sarcasm and irony.
The lawmaker
also said his plans fit the mandate of Indonesia’s Constitution. Absolutely.
So does pluralism, religious freedom and welfare for the poor. Doubtless they’re in the Bill’s appendices
Good luck, Sir. If you succeed please bring your talents to
my homeland where we have alcohol abuse problems that you could never imagine,
responsible for more than half the crimes and appalling domestic distress. Around
240 drunks and 182 thugs were arrested in Victoria on New Year’s Eve; the
police reckoned behavior that night was “good”.
But let’s
press PAUSE for a reality check. Where I
live in East Java there’s a better chance of finding a Methodist in a mosque
than spirits in a supermarket. Should I
encounter one cringing in a corner (the bottle, not the Protestant), paying the
75 per cent luxury tax plus hefty excise would induce sobriety.
So why the
urge to purge? Surely this isn’t one of
those political distractions used by the Machiavellian to divert attention from
the real issues? Nicotine kills 500,000
Indonesians a year – why not target tobacco?
Or is the industry too formidable a foe?
Pak Moekri,
I salute your plan’s potential to create an Australian-free Kuta, Paradise Island
rediscovered. For this I’d propose a
toast – if only I could find something to put in the glass. DG
First published in the Sunday Post, 20 January 2012DuncaFirstGraham
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